Welcome to the Lion's Den

I was talking to my friend about how I hated having this eating disorder. It makes me so angry because I need the food to stay nourished and healthy but I can't stand the control it has over me. It didn't start out this way. I understand now that bulimia is psychological. It didn't just happen over night. It took several years to progress. I look back and I realize it wasn't just about appearance but it was also about control. I never had control as a teen or the freedom to express myself in any other way than was acceptable to my family. Since that was the case, I turned to food for comfort.
For a while, I would be so proud of myself because I had the control over my life and I could choose when to eat and when not to eat. The problem was, I starved myself. I would go for up to three days without eating and then I would be so hungry I'd eat everything I could find until I was sick with the binging. Then once I purged my system I would exercise to lose even more weight.
This is where the lion's den came in. I became afraid of eating. I looked at food as my enemy. I saw its mouth opening to devour me. I was no longer in control of how I responded to food. The food was now in control of me.
There is a story within the Old Testament of the Bible about the prophet Daniel. In chapter 6:16-22 Daniel is placed into the lions den. "But the king spoke, saying to Daniel, 'Your God, whom you serve continually, he will deliver you'." (verse 16 b). What happens later is God sent His angel down and shut the mouths of the lions (verse 22).
Perhaps food is like a raging lion but even lions mouths can be sealed. I find comfort in knowing that God is far bigger and far greater than my eating disorder. If God can send an angel to close the mouth of the lions when Daniel was in peril, He can certainly close the mouth of one that seeks to devour me.
I know that these verses were telling the story of Daniel but I found it to be helpful to my own struggle. I can even take it another step further by saying that God hears the prayers of His children. There is such a peace in knowing I can rest in His capable hands. He doesn't promise to take away these issues but He does promise never to leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).
This doesn't make my problems go away and it doesn't take my eating disorder away but it does give me hope. All I have to do is be willing to take one step at a time and allow God to do His will in my life. The more my focus is on God, the more I will experience a change within my heart and my life. The more I continue to humble myself before God, the more I will be ministered to. The more I try to encourage others, the more blessings will be given and received.
There will be days I will not "feel" as if I am succeeding. The important thing to always remember is my feelings should not become the deciding factor in whether I succeed or fail. There is nothing wrong with "feeling" the way I do but I need to remember my feelings do not control me. I do have choices and I can get through this with God's help. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time.